Consider your capacity to love as a bucket!
I know, a bit strange huh but, stay with me on this.
Imagine your love-bucket has a hole in it, or a few holes. No matter how much loving energy is poured into it, the bucket will continue to leak.
When we enter that ‘honeymoon period’ of a relationship or a friendship, we inadvertently build high expectations of loving energy. Maaaan, we throw tons of the stuff around, showering each other in all that zingy, exciting, warm and fuzzy luvstuff.
Our love-buckets runneth over!
And, as we get used to that huge amount of love being poured into our buckets it causes a problem…if there’s a leak in the bucket, no matter how much or how fast it’s refilled, the vessel leaks.
Now, it takes an awful lot of energy to keep checking if there’s enough love in someone’s bucket and to keep filling it, weekly, daily perhaps even hourly? Whew, imagine spending all your time constantly having to check and fill someone’s bucket ‘o love?
Or are you the one with the leaky love-bucket?
We’re lead to believe that love comes from the outside inward; we’re shown conditional rather than unconditional love from caregivers, we expect an exchange of love in friendships and relationships, there are books and films portraying people who are only happy once they’ve found The One, and that we are only whole or complete when someone else loves us!
So, when we expect someone else to keep that bucket filled for us and they ‘let us down’ (because they have their own shizzle and love buckets to deal with) often the result is feelings of disappointment and resentment because they’re not keeping up the supply!
This often prompts negative thoughts “they don’t love me/don’t want me/bored with me/cheating on me” which can also lead to negative behaviours: needy, aggressive, controlling, sycophantic, pleasing, fretting…it’ll be down to that leak in their love-bucket. Does this sound like you?
The leaks have names…Self-esteem, Ghost of Partners Past, the Green-Eyed Monster and many more and, the problem with these leaks is that if they aren’t dealt with…they grow!
There’s talk a-plenty about ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’ but, in contradiction, we’re not shown how to love ‘thyself’ – how confusing. So, here we are… here YOU are, at the Romance Club with a leaky love-bucket which is OK because we all have them.
This is one place where you CAN learn to fix and fill those pesky holes AND you get a big dollop of job satisfaction knowing you did the DIY yourself because, my darling, only you can but, we’ll do it together.
First thing, give yourself a massive hug and say to yourself “I love you” – if it feels a bit weird, just say it anyway, whisper it if you must but, say it…
Welcome darling, to the ROMANCE CLUB.